The hard thing with ME

Sometimes life with ME is really really hard.  I mean totally and utterly if I wasn't already feeling exhausted, shattering. Life is like that at the moment.  I don't want a pity fest, but right now, my favourite mantra (Dory in Finding Nemo), "just keep swimming" is about the only thing I'm hanging on to. Its hard to say what's worse really.  

I've been trying to go to bed earlier than usual, but in all honesty I need an hour or 2 on my own when the kids are in bed (and being summer I don't really mind them going to bed a bit later, so that is often around 9) - I am generally in bed by half 10/11.  I might manage to read a little, but generally its light off and hopefully off to sleep straight away (unless insomnia strikes - last time that hit it was probably nearer 2 before I managed to shut my brain up) - this morning I was woken up my screeching children just before 7 (a good day its often earlier) but they are of an age where I can still snooze for a while longer whilst there is no school to prep for.  I snoozed and was up at 9, got Caitlin ready for her play scheme (a free one at the local church we managed to get her on) and my friend picked her up (she's the one local friend I have who *really* understands I think) I was still in pyjamas at that point, and when she was dropped off again at 12.15.  Sorted out feeding for the children and I've managed a little washing of dishes.  The living room looks like a bomb has gone off in it, and half the dishes are still waiting.  The exhaustion is so bad today though that I feel incredibly sleepy and just standing up makes me feel faint and the vertigo is making my head spin.  

I still feel incredibly lazy, but I know its the illness causing this.  The reality is that the pain is way bad today and has been for a couple of days.  I think I'm heading for a relapse because my ankle, knee and wrist joints feel weak and unstable.  The slightest pressure and they feel sprained.  Which just happened with my wrist.  I had a bath without my lift (for the first time in ages, but it's just so much more relaxing and comfortable plus the kids prefer it not to be in there, so its been out for a little while and I've been showering) - the bath gives me much needed pain relief, but I had the frightening experience then of struggling to get out even with the extra rails I now have.  I'll be getting the lift put back in asap and the kids will have to get used to bathing with it in there.  

Today all I want is to sleep, and for peace.  The kids are bored and bouncing off/winding each other up, and I'm not really up to doing anything about it.  Such is this life with ME.  I'll keep popping the pills, and try to get through it.  This helps sometimes :)